Curious Instructions

In case you needed further proof that the human race is considered too 
stupid to use common sense, here are some actual label instructions on 
consumer goods: 

On a Sears hair dryer: 
Do not use while sleeping. 
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!) 

On a bag of Fritos: 
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. 
(The shoplifter special!) 
 
On a bar of Dial soap: 
Directions: Use like regular soap. 
(and that would be .. how??) 

On some Swanson frozen dinners: 
Serving suggestion: Defrost. 
(But it's *just* a suggestion!) 

On a hotel provided shower cap in a box: 
Fits one head. 
(!!!) 

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: 
(printed on the bottom of the box)--Do not turn upside down. 
(Too late! You lose!) 
 
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: 
Product will be hot after heating. 
(Are you sure???) 
 
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: 
Do not iron clothes on body. 
(But wouldn't that save more time???) 
 
On Boot's Children's cough medicine: 
Do not drive car or operate machinery. 
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we just kept 
those 5 year olds off those fork lifts!) 
 
On Nytol sleep aid: 
Warning: may cause drowsiness 
(One would hope!) 
 
On a Korean kitchen knife: 
Warning: keep out of children. 
(Or pets! What's for dinner?) 

On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights: 
For indoor or outdoor use only. 
(As opposed to outer space or underground) 
 
On a Japanese food processor: 
Not to be used for the other use. 
(Hmmmm, now I'm curious) 
 
On Sainsbury's peanuts: 
Warning: contains nuts. 
(no comment) 

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: 
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts. 
(what is going on here?) 
 
On a Swedish chainsaw: 
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals. 
(as if you try to stop *anything* with your genitals--clearly my favorite of the list) 
 
On a child's superman costume: 
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly. 
(Way to destroy a universal childhood fantasy!)